8 hours to go

Well, I survived the last 11 hours, only 8 more to go today.

I arrived home and he said he was going for a walk unless I wanted to talk. He was distant and cold. He was looking at his phone and smiled. Then he left.

At a time when you believe your partner should be begging your forgiveness and trying to get you back, he doesn’t. What do I but speculate? I know he is in the afterglow of his affair. Possibly reaching out to her, trying to get her back. Maybe they are formulating a plan.

The trouble is, speculating what he is doing will drive me crazy. I have to understand this. Right now. I have to stop speculating about what he is doing or will do. I can only control what I am doing. I must have read this somewhere because it goes against every emotion I have right now. How do I find logic and follow it when my world is in chaos?

The answer is, I have to. I have to worry about what I say and do. There is no option. That’s the stark reality of this whole thing. There is no option. There is no going back. There is a stranger in my house. What the hell do I with that?

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