There are a few things that I know for sure.
- It’s hard to make decisions when you are fueled by emotions that you haven’t completely felt, analyzed, organized, and put in to some compartment.
- You can’t truly find clarity on a traumatic situation until years have passed and you can look back on the situation without bias.
Here is what I feel now.
- I feel nothing. No sadness, no joy, no anger, no pain, no love. Which is a result of the realization that the person I thought loved me and had my best interest at heart is no longer. There is no such person. My husband is a stranger. I do not know him. And because this love story turned out to be a lie, what is there to grieve? Only the belief that I held and oh, I was wrong.
- The thought of being a single mother is scary. And it is not what I wanted for my baby girl. I didn’t choose that and maybe someday she will understand.
- God is with me.
- Every person and every article says that whether or not you choose divorce you should seek counseling with your spouse. This I am willing to do, if for nothing else but to be able to face my child, to tell her that I tried.
- To try you must be open. And you must perhaps, have a spouse that is encouraging you to find a place in your heart to try and forgive. Neither of these apply to me.
I have taken the step to see a Counselor alone. I wonder what he knows for sure.