What I know for sure

There are a few things that I know for sure.

  1. It’s hard to make decisions when you are fueled by emotions that you haven’t completely felt, analyzed, organized, and put in to some compartment.
  2. You can’t truly find clarity on a traumatic situation until years have passed and you can look back on the situation without bias.

Here is what I feel now.

  1. I feel nothing. No sadness, no joy, no anger, no pain, no love. Which is a result of the realization that the person I thought loved me and had my best interest at heart is no longer. There is no such person. My husband is a stranger. I do not know him. And because this love story turned out to be a lie, what is there to grieve? Only the belief that I held and oh, I was wrong.
  2. The thought of being a single mother is scary. And it is not what I wanted for my baby girl. I didn’t choose that and maybe someday she will understand.
  3. God is with me.
  4. Every person and every article says that whether or not you choose divorce you should seek counseling with your spouse. This I am willing to do, if for nothing else but to be able to face my child, to tell her that I tried.
  5. To try you must be open. And you must perhaps, have a spouse that is encouraging you to find a place in your heart to try and forgive. Neither of these apply to me.

I have taken the step to see a Counselor alone. I wonder what he knows for sure.

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