Minimize her pain.
In my experience and in reading about the experience of others, men say a lot of the same sh*t after an affair. Things like:
- I want to prove to you that I can be a better husband.
- I was not in the right frame of mind but I will get help with counseling.
- It was a mistake.
- I’ll never do it again.
- Give me a chance to show you that I am trustworthy.
So, what is the problem with all these statements? The answer – I.
Yup, they are all about you. And they are words and your words have been deemed untrustworthy at the moment. These statements only serve to minimize the pain she is dealing with.
So, it’s time to make this healing about her, because it is about her. Tell her what you love about her, and see it, feel it. Tell her why you want to grow old with her. Tell her you know that you have caused her pain. Tell her she is beautiful. And once you start doing this, you will begin to feel and know the love that was intended to be hers.
To all men who have cheated: Stop thinking about how you can prove that you are trustworthy. Stop thinking about how you can prove you are worthy to stay married to. Just – Be truthful.Be present. Be worthy.
And to those men who have chosen to leave with their affair partner: You still owe your wife the grace of not minimizing her pain. To the woman you have been married to for all those years, the woman that gave you herself, her love and her life, you owe it to her to see and acknowledge her pain.