The Affair Story Retold

He is back from Rehab. It is somewhat uncomfortable, but not unsafe.

My daughter is happy and that is a ray of light in this awfully painful story.

What consumes me lately is the affair story. So I wrote it down. I wrote everything I heard him say and some of what I imagined. The feelings for her, the sex, the conversations that he will always cherish (he told her), the overnights with her, the alcohol, the disrespect of me and my daughter, the disregard of his wife over and over and over again for seven months.

I talked to him about it last night. Rehab had seemed to explain to him the egregious behaviour and instilled shame in the sober self, along with tools and ways to cope in a healthy manner. And the affair story had changed. Suddenly there were no feelings for this woman, no cherishing, only regret. Not really sadness. A certain understanding of what the actions had caused but no real understanding of what the acts have done to me and no real desire that I can see or feel to know my pain. He is wholly keeping safe in his sobriety and healing. I don’t think there is room for me in that at this point.

I assume all men retell the story, either to appease their wives or because they see it differently after counseling. It’s a horrible choice to have to make as a wife, which story do you believe?

Of course, it is only day one reunited.

My question is whether the affair story should change? Years from now, whether we are together or not and the flashback kicks me in the stomach, which version should I recall? And should I keep it written down to read over, so that time and imagination and self-doubt do not make the story better or worse?

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One thought on “The Affair Story Retold

  1. It is real. The changing of the story.
    Almost every recovered couple I know tells a similar course of events. If the cheating spouse is caught (or in your case, abandoned by his AP) they are still in the fantasy of affair. As they walk through the process of recovery, it is like walking out from under a veil that gets progressively more transparent. They begin to see and feel and know that it was never real, including their feelings for the AP.
    I understand how you feel, and the need to question the validity of either story. Watch…watch and see. As you observe your husband’s actions matching the words he is using, the gap between not believing and believing will lessen. If there is not consistency…you will see it immediately.
    Oh TA…this path is hard. It is treacherous and full of rocks and unseen holes. But it can lead to an amazing new life for you, potentially for him and your marriage.
    HUGS!

    Liked by 1 person

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