My anger has subsided some. My husband is showing remorse, being my punching bag while I need one, and expressing what he feels for me. Should I believe him? I guess that is a question that betrayed people struggle with for a long time, if not forever.
Esther Perel talks about how if you decide to go forward in a new relationship (with your spouse) then the deceived gets to ‘claim more and they no longer have to uphold the status quo that hasn’t really been working for them either.’
I presume this is extremely important because if you go back to the old relationship, go through the old motions, then you don’t feel any new power. Then the bitterness creeps in and lingers because you are exactly where you were before. It’s like a living a thousand betrayals. You are a victim in the relationship, nothing has changed.
So where and how do you find your power in the new relationship?
Right now, I am finding some solace in self-care. I go to the movies on Saturdays alone and I feel some freedom in that. I make sure my toddler is fed, but I don’t make family supper anymore. My wedding vows are broken and nothing applies.
And so it seems that I need to keep seeking my own power, the power that God has granted me to be here, to be free, to be loved, to be joyful. In these early stages after the discovery of infidelity, my power is small and I find it in only in some trivial places, like not doing his laundry. But I hope that someday, my power will feel much bigger than this, whether or not I stay with the cheater. Whoa, felt some power in that name calling.