Christmas is nearing. I see the lights up around me. The stores filled with presents. The carols on the radio. But the warmth of the season is not there.

It’s odd to watch a holiday come and not feel the familial spirit it’s meant to have.

I hope next Christmas is different. I hope with another year passing this burden will lighten. That I will see more clearly. That I’ll begin to feel the love and warmth that surrounds me from friends and family.

Infidelity hurts. It erases the future I thought I had, changes the memories I believed in and makes the present feel like shifting sand.

There’s opportunity to grow. I’ve read that in so many stories of other people that have gone through this. And one day it won’t feel like this. I have hope now, so that’s a change.

I still don’t know where the road leads for me. I don’t know if I will be married to the same man next Christmas or if life will look a lot different, but I’m willing to walk the road. To face the fear. To reach out to others for love and support.

And someday, I’ll feel different. I just wish it would come sooner than later.

One thought on “Holidays

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