At some point in the midst of grief and healing, a decision has to be made. That window of opportunity opens and you can feel it, the light is coming through and the next step is to jump OR close the window and tell yourself that you need more time. This opening may be sparked by a new circumstance or a new feeling that’s rising in your heart.
My circumstance came by mail. It was a $400 power bill that arrived after an unreasonably cold December. I looked at the single pane windows in our rental house and felt slightly irked that the bill was so high even though we keep the temperature below normal to save on heating costs. It also amplified the number of other discomforts that come with the house. And the town. It’s small and there is a city about half an hour from here with more opportunity and a lot more life.
I told my husband I wanted to move. Normally this would be an easy request and would come with a response like – Yah, let’s look for places in the city and get out of here.
But when you are standing at a crossroad, not sure where your relationship is going, this request becomes really complicated. Get into a new lease when things might not work out? Or go our separate ways now?
I don’t know what the right answer is.
So, I have two options:
- ‘Close the Window’ Option – I could turn the temperature even lower and struggle through the discomfort in our current place that only requires one month notice to vacate.
- ‘Jump’ Option – We could move and jump into a new year-long lease, in a new town, commit to honestly rebuilding our relationship, and cut our losses if it doesn’t work.
I feel some hope or . . . excitement I suppose, at stepping off the sidelines and putting in some effort. I can’t sit and wait for my heart to be healed, I must keep moving and trying and connecting. Yes, he hurt me and what he did was awful, but I’m not the only one in this relationship.